Friday, 24 September 2010
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
I like the world sometimes. A bit of sunshine on my face here, a little rain for the garden there, a lie-in wrapped in daggy flannel sheets, a 95th minute equaliser against Arsenal at home. Tiny things that warm my little cockles. I had another one this week when a man who was helping puppy-proof our yard spotted the Sunderland sticker on display in our car.
Despite being from
Yet there is something that makes Shieldfield House special amongst buildings; it is magic. Magic how, you ask? Look closely at the picture. What do you see? More pertinently, what do you not see? I'll tell you what you won't see - 3D. That is because Shieldfield House is a two dimensional building. Not a reflection on the residents, but a geometrical fact. Shieldfield House has an up and a down, and a side-to-side but it is sadly lacking a front-to-back. In dimensional terms it is deficient to the tune of one. Like those shanty town facades in old western movies, it's easily to believe that a good gust of wind could see the whole thing fall flat on its face.
Now I don’t claim to know the nature of this feat of concrete conjuring, but look again for proof. Even up close and from the side, there is still no... side. Despite the fact that you can sometimes see people going about their lives inside, and even opening their windows, Shieldfield House remains as improbably flat as the Phantom Zone in Superman II.
If you're ever in the area i thoroughly recommend checking out this unlikely architectural phenomenon for yourself. That said, even when visiting it in the flesh it doesn't look any different to these photos, so if you're unlikely to ever take trip up to Shieldfield just take my word for it. As Bucks Fizz once assured us in more innocent pre-Photoshop days, the camera never lies and no amount of James Cameron-style 3D trickery will change that.
Sunday, 19 September 2010
Saturday, 18 September 2010
Clearly preying on Custard’s long-standing recurrent dream about discovering dusty boxes of mint condition Star Wars toys in abandoned toy stores and dark attics, the evil Lucas has combined with Kenner to create nostalgia-based merchandise in pursuit of the Custard dollar.
Having evaded wave after wave of Star Wars related tat for many years, the once young and innocent - now just immature and with a steady job - Custard has capitulated under the onslaught of temptation provided by historically accurate and anatomically correct plastic figurines on special at K-Mart.
Sensing victory, the despicable Lucas readies himself for the chance to extract even more cash from his former charge with the release of Return of the Jedi related pish-posh in 2013. Little does he realise the contempt held by Custard for Jabba the Hutt and the Ewoks and that by then Custard will be free of his evil clutches forever…
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Paul's Solo Tour (Tickets on sale from )
UK - September
· 20 - O2 Academy, Liverpool
· 21 - King Tuts, Glasgow
· 22 - O2 Academy, Newcastle
· 24 - O2 Academy, Manchester
· 25 - Thekla, Bristol
· 26 - Glee Club, Birmingham
· 28/29 - Borderline, London
· 30 - Leadmill, Sheffield
IRELAND - October
· 2 - SET Theatre, Kilkenny
· 3 - Ruby Rooms, Castelbar
· 5 - Cyprus Avenue, Cork
· 6 - Academy, Dublin
· 7 - Auntie Annie's, Belfast
· 8 - Arts Centre, Wexford
Paul’s new album Acid Country is out on 13 September 2010. For more details visit Paul's website at paulheatonmusic.co.uk
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Not only will this deliver us a government and relief from the endless hypothesising and second guessing by the media, but it should also curtail any further references to Windsor, Katter and Oakeshott as the Three Amigos. The sooner this trio make a decision and return to the shadows of the back benches the better for the good name of the actual Three Amigos, Lucky Day (Steve Martin), Ned Nederlander (Martin Short) and Dusty Bottoms (Chevy Chase).
- My Little Buttercup - The willing-to-please Amigos entertain the confused locals at the town cantina with a little pat-a-cake vaudeville song and dance
- Girl 1: "Which one do you like?" Girl 2: "I like the one that is not so smart" Girl 1: "which one is that?"
- "would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?" El Guapo gets technical over vocabulary
- Ned gets wasteful with his water canteen and lip balm whilst the others suffer in the heat of the desert
- Ned, Lucky and Dusty summon the invisible swordsman to disastrous affect
- Flugelman "do you know what 'nada' means?" Dusty "Isn't that a light chicken gravy?"
- "Gonna make it" - painful physical comedy brilliance from Martin as he attempts to escape his prison chains
- "We all have our own personal El Guapo to face. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us" - Lucky inspires the troops with a rousing, confusing speech
- Rosita: "I was thinking later you could kiss me on the verandah" Dusty: "lips will be fine"
- The Amigos campfire singalong of Blue Shadows (On The Trail) accompanied by singing horses, dancing tortoises and shooting stars. Lovely
- "we raped the horses ... and pruned the hedges of many small villages" - Dusty tries to bluff his way out of trouble with El Guapo
- "Could it be that once again you are angry for something else, and you are taking it out on me?" - Jefe gets to the heart of his relationship with El Guapo
- El Guapo "El Guapo only kills men. [the Amigos shuffle nervously] He does not kill crying women! [The Amigos let out a sigh of relief]
- "I think it's a mail plane" - Ned forgets not to laugh at his own joke
- "In-famous? Wow!" The Amigos receive a telegram regarding the infamous El Guapo
- "Look Up Here" - Lucky tries in vain to secretively summon Ned and Dusty. (If you don't watch any other clip watch this one for a reminder of why Steve Martin used to be such a big star).