How to Cook... Pancakes!

Ah Pancake Day, prince amongst special days in the public calendar. How I love thee. Unlike Roy Wood and Wizard I wish it could be Pancake Day everyday... Sadly Pancake Day doesn't seem to be quite as celebrated here in Australia as in the UK where each year local television stations would broadcast live from some local park or scout hut where a semi-famous local chef would teach half-wit news reporters and weather people how to toss pancakes whilst game members of the public would engage in pancake races, armed with comedy frying pans. At least they did back when I was a lad and this advert was telling us not to forget the pancakes on Jif Lemon day.

There are two magnificent things about pancakes. One - you can eat them with absolutely anything, sweet or savoury; and two - they are piss easy to make. Let it be proved thusly:

You will need

• 100g or 3/4 cup of plain flour
• an egg, beaten up
• a bit of salt
• 300 ml or 1 1/4 cups of milk
• some butter (for cooking in)
• a small frying pan (non stick)
• plus: whatever takes your pancakey filling fancy

Step 1: mix the flour, salt, egg and milk in a big bowl until it's a liquid. You should have enough for about 8-10 pancakes which should serve 4 but really you could eat them all yourself

Step 2: melt some butter in your frying pan on a medium heat. Swish it around the pan til there's a bit of grease everywhere. Remember, Grease is the word...

Step 3: ladle out a thin layer (better to go thin than fat or else they take ages to cook and are harder to fold) of mixture, making a pancake about 20cms across. If you get some holes in your pancake just swish the mixture about a bit and it should run into the gaps. Cook for about a minute then flip over. Don't try any funny stuff - you'll just made a tit of yourself... a spatula will do, thanks.

Step 4: Add your filling of choice to one side of the pancake. The above is a bog standard melty cheese, tomato mushroom and onion which isn't as exciting as it was tasty although when it came to dessert...

... this Chocolate Monkey was pretty awesome. I used Rolos for eyes because not only do you get melty chocolate goodness with your banana but the caramel middle goes all gooey too

Step 5: fold over the other half on top of your ingredients and seal it all in. Cook for another 30 seconds or so, checking to make sure both sides are done and your chocolate/cheese has melted.

Step 6: serve and enjoy. The key here is in tag teaming WWF-style so you can eat whilst someone else cooks and then vice versa to keep the pan in use and the food flowing. This adds a frisson of excitement akin to the stop clock in chess although it can lead to the very serious medical condition known as burny mouth. Beware.

OK, hope you all had a great Pancake Day and got what you wanted. If you didn't at least now you know how to do it yourself... and there's only your own lazy bum to blame. Tata!