Saucerful of Secrets

This week Centrelinked encouraged listeners to unlock their diaries, share their log in details and enter the 98.9 North West FM confessional booth to share some songs about Secrets. This was the soundtrack to their unloading:

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret - Queens of the Stone Age

No Secrets - The Angels

Little Secrets - Passion Pit

Do You Want To Know a Secret - the Beatles

Secret Kiss - The Coral

Secret - Madonna

Confide in Me - Kylie Minogue

Secret Vampires - Bis

Can U Keep a Secret - De La Soul

Secret Agent - Tony Allen

On Her Majesty's Secret Service - John Barry (though with more time this version by the Propellerheads might have made the cut too 

Secret for a Song - Mercury Rev

Secret Love - Doris Day

The Key, The Secret - Urban Cookie Collective

Of course the very best song about secrets is this one from 1973 but sadly we're not allowed to play it on the radio. Feel free to leave any dirty little secrets of your own using the comments below

Centrelinked - Saturday mornings from 10.30am on 98.9 North West FM (northwestfm.org)Next week's theme - Chicken! Feel free to join in using @mintcustard or @northwestfmmelb and #centrelinked. 

Rise of the Machines

This week Centrelinked picked up one of Mint Custard's biggest fears - the destruction of mankind by robots - and ran with it, albeit with an awkward clanky gait and certainly not up any stairs. 45 minutes of airtime were devoted to automated android propaganda. This is what they played:


Robot Rock - Daft Punk
Robot - Futureheads
Do The Robot - The Saints
Intergalactic - Beastie Boys
Robots (the Humans are Dead) - Flight of the Conchords
We're in Business - Andrew Thompson
Robot Song - Kenickie
One Robot - Rocket Science
Robot Man - the Aliens
I am a Robot - Rhys Muldoon
Astro Boy Theme
The Robots - Kraftwerk


Centrelinked - Saturday mornings from 11am (Melbourne time) on 98.9 North West FM (northwestfm.org)

Next week's theme - dirty little Secret - Feel free to join in using @mintcustard or @northwestfmmelb and #centrelinked

Daniel Kitson, Where Once was Wonder, Melbourne Arts Centre

From the opening seconds of Daniel Kitson’s latest show, Where Once Was Wonder, it’s impossible to ignore the fact that something has changed. Your senses are taking it in, but something just doesn’t seem right. This is a Daniel Kitson show isn’t it? So isn’t that… I mean is that… am I really… could that actually be … is that dance music? Why yes it is. Well, LCD Soundsystem’s Losing My Edge, anyway.



Gone, the gentle indie-tastic Candle Records musical backdrops that welcomed people to Kitson shows of yore, replaced by acerbic beats and James Murphy fretting about being overtaken by ‘better looking people with better ideas and more talent.’ Yet as a precursor of what’s to come it is a stroke of bleeping genius.


What follows is a blistering opening half hour from an unfamiliar looking Kitson – beardless and with his head shaved – which includes pompous attacks on the audience, comedy fans, his own fans and especially his fellow comedians. Swearing is unrestrained and outrageous statements start to stack up, with laughter accompanied by some uncomfortable fidgeting and sharp intakes of breath amongst the packed and noticeably varied crowd.


Given it’s written on the poster I don’t think I’m spoiling anything by saying that the show is built around three unconnected stories, none of which are ever fully finished and one that involves the decapitation of a small pig. However, each deals in their own way with small unexpected twists of destiny that lead to the unlikely becoming not just possible, but utterly inevitable. It will come as no surprise to those who have seen him before that Kitson finds quixotic beauty in these tales, evoking the romance and even turning a self-administered haircut into a noble act.


It would be improper of me to say how this beauty impacts on the closing half hour of a 90 minute set, or how that relates to his vicious opening polemic. Still, it’s fair to say that it was a thrill to hear gentle isolated chuckles slowly snowballing into a roaring Playhouse as pennies dropped about another thrilling act of Kitson chutzpah.


A misguided and factually-lacking review in The Age this weekend suggested that of Where Once Was Wonder represented Kitson returning to the ‘conventional stand up he has spent years retreating from,’ dismissing the evening as ‘a strange combination of dick jokes and intellectual arrogance.’ I’ll admit that I’m a fan of his work*, but I hope nobody bases their decision to go and see this show on those words. There is little that is conventional about Daniel Kitson’s work; stand up or theatrical, which is why he remains the draw card at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival year after year. Losing his edge? Watching Where Once Was Wonder you get the feeling he’s only just started.

Daniel Kitson’s Where Once Was Wonder is on at the Playhouse at Melbourne Arts Centre until 15 April. Tickets $25.


* “then it became a wider thing about people who grip onto other people’s creations like they are their own” – James Murphy on LCD Soundsystem’s Losing My Edge.

Sorry about that.

Make Em Laugh

It's Melbourne International Comedy Festival time here in Australia and Centrelinked tried to celebrate by putting together two hours of funny songs. The problem is that one man's funny is another woman's fingers-on-blackboard, with some songs by comedians excruciatingly unfunny and some very serious songs horrifically hilarious. So, armed only with a vague notion of songs that try and give people a chuckle here's what we ended up with this week: 


The Young Ones theme
Eat It - Weird Al Yankovic
Stutter Rap - Morris Minor and the Majors
Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) - Benny Hill
Mahna Mahna - The Muppets

The Court of King Caractacus - Rolf Harris

We're Both in Love with a Sexy Lady - Flight of the Conchords
This Poem Sucks (Harriet) - Mike Myers (from So I Married and Axe Murderer)
Tram Inspector - the Bedroom Philosopher
Cows with Guns - Dana Lyons
24 Hour Garage People - Half Man Half Biscuit
The Ballad of Freda and Barry - Victoria Wood
Don't Put Your Daughter on the Stage Mrs Worthington - Noel Coward
You're Just Too Hip Baby - Dave Graney
Becoming More Like Alfie - Divine Comedy
Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me - Rocky Horror Picture Show Original Cast
Money, Money - Liza Minelli and Joel Grey (from Cabaret)
A Lil' Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place - Dolly Parton (The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas)
Hold My Hand - The Rutles
Eric the Half a Bee - Monty Python
The Intro and the Outro - the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band
Love Life - The Rutles
Bedazzled - Drimble Wedge and the Vegetations (Peter Cook and Dudley Moore)
Montage  - Team America World Police
The Riddler - Mel Torme
The Pub With No Beer - Slim Dusty
Preposterous Tales - I, Ludicrous
Right Said Fred - Bernard Cribbins
I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
Barbie Girl - Aqua
Shaddup Ya Face - Joe Dolce
Ain't No Greens in Harlem - The Vibrations
I Remember Punk Rock - Vic Reeves
The Majesty of Rock - Spinal Tap
Bring Me Sunshine - Morecambe and Wise


Although I had an extra hour, I still ran out of time to play these:


I Wanna be Straight - Ian Dury and the Blockheads
Bad Babysitter - Princess Superstar
Thou Shalt Always Kill - Dan le Sac and Scoobius Pip
Metaphor - Sparks
Ello John, Got a New Motor - Alexei Sayle
Hole in My Shoe - Neil
Austin Ambassador Y Reg - John Shuttleworth (yes, again - sorry Graham)
Jilted John - Jilted John
Panic Plants - The Lovely Eggs
The Queen is Dead - the Smiths
Formed a Band - Art Brut
I Can't Forget - Leonard Cohen
Why is it Always Dairy Lea? - the Shirehorses 


If you'd like to chuck in your tuppenceworth about songs that make you laugh I'd love to hear from you in the comments bit below. 


AFL returns to 98.9 North West FM next weekend so Centrelinked has a new starting time of 11am on Saturdays. Tune in on your Melbourne wireless or via http://www.northwestfm.org/ 

Sunny Side Up

This week on Centrelinked it was about snap and crackle and not just pop as we celebrated all things breakfast. From coffee to croissants, tea to toast, muffins to muesli, we covered it all in song - with a few more interesting alternatives hidden away like a plastic toy at the bottom of a cereal packet.

Special thanks go to Pink Floyd for Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast which provided over an hour's worth of backing music, chuntering and breakfast preparing noises.

What got played
The Breakfast Song - Annie
Judy Sucks a Lemon for Breakfast - Cornershop
Mario's Cafe - Saint Etienne
9-5 - Dolly Parton
She's Losing It - Belle and Sebastian
Beer for Breakfast - The Replacements
Beans for Breakfast - Johnny Cash
Beans, Bacon and Gravy - Cisco Houston
The Spam Song - Monty Python
Piggies - The Beatles
Serial Thrilla - The Prodigy
Superfast Jellyfish - Gorillaz with De La Soul and Gruff Rhys
Cornflake Girl - Tori Amos
Coffee and Toast - James
Coffee in the Pot - Supergrass
Percolator - Stereolab
Sexy Coffee Pot - Tony Avalon and the Belaires
How'd You Like Your Eggs in the Morning - Dean Martin and Helen O'Connell
Watermelons - the Lovely Eggs
Omelette from Outer Space - Adam and the Ants
Blueberries for Breakfast - Mamas and Papas
Martin Doom! It's Seven o'clock - The Boo Radleys
Punky's Dilemma - Simon and Garfunkel
Breakfast Time - Orange Juice
Breakfast in Bed - Dusty Springfield

Leftovers and Suggestions
Breakfast in America - Supertramp
Sex for Breakfast - Christina Aguilera
Black Coffee in Bed - Squeeze
Coffee and TV - Blur
Wake up and Make Love to Me - Ian Dury
Black Pudding Bertha - the Goodies
Wild Mushrooms - Lloyd Cole
Down Under - Men at Work
You Were Meant for Me - Jewel
Cigarettes and Coffee - Rufus Wainwright

Ta to everyone who texted or tweeted or actually listened on your wireless. You make it all worthwhile. Feel free to add to my little list of breakfast songs using the comments below...

Holding Back the Years

Centrelinked jumped in the Delorean this week for a spot of time travel through the ages, stopping only where songsmiths had deemed a year exciting enough to celebrate in song. Taking in everything from the recent past and the distant future these were the songs that got played:

Also Sprach Zarathrustra - Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey (Disco Version)
1969 - The Stooges
Sexcrime (1984) - The Eurythmics
1901 - Phoenix
1976 - RJD2
1977 - The Clash
1981 - Public Image Limited
Holland, 1945 - Neutral Milk Hotel
69 Annee Erotique - Serge Gainsbourg
New York Mining Disaster 1941 - the Bee Gees
You Keep It All In - The Beautiful South
1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
3030 - Deltron 3030
In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus) - Zager and Evans

And other stuff that didn't get played for one reason and another
Miss Freelove '69 - Hoodoo Gurus
1993 - Carter USM
1974 - Ryan Adams
1985 - Manic Street Preachers
1974 - Robin Hitchcock
Disco 2000 - Pulp
Pop Song 89 - REM
Carnival 2000 - Prefab Sprout
1992 - Blur
1963 - New Order
Summer of 75 - Vic Reeves
1966 and all that - Half Man Half Biscuit
It Ain't 1918 - Sparks
December 1963 (Oh What a Night) - Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons

So no Eels songs this week but once again Blur, Pulp, Sparks and Half Man Half Biscuit all offered their Centrelinked services.

Next week - songs about breakfast!

Centrelinked - Saturday mornings from 10.30am on 98.9 North West FM (northwestfm.org)

Feel free to join in using @mintcustard or @northwestfmmelb and #centrelinked

Know Your Product

Advertising. It can be evil, subliminal, insidious, sometimes genius. Advertising companies can spend millions trying to get brand names into our minds and often fail. Thank goodness then for our old friend Rock and Roll and it's uncanny ability to capture zeitgeists and enshrine aspects of popular culture in musical aspic in ways that ad men (and women) can only dream. Here are just a few examples, as celebrated on this week's Centrelinked:  

What Got Played
Know Your Product - The Saints
She Don't Use Jelly - Flaming Lips (Vaseline)
Vaseline - Elastica
Paninaro 95 - Pet Shop Boys (Aramani, Armani, A-A-Armani)
Wearing My Rolex - Wiley
My ADIDAS  - Run DMC
Razzmattazz - Pulp (tights)
Perfume - Sparks (every perfume under the sun)
Hymn to the Cigarettes - Hefner (every brand of cig you can think of)
Valium - Ffa Coffi Pawb (housewife's friend)
Under the Milky Way - The Church
Mars Bar - The Undertones

I desperately wanted to play I've Got a New Hoover by Reeves and Mortimer, which is one of the best starts to any comedy show in history (and certainly the best ever song about vacuum cleaners) but sadly copyright wouldn't allow. Here's some others that I had shortlisted, plus a few suggestions by our lovely listeners:

Advert or Blue Jeans - Blur ("Air Cushion Soles")
Man at C&A - the Specials (menswear)
National Express - the Divine Comedy (coach travel)
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana (deoderant)
Supersonic - Oasis (Alka Seltzer and BMW)
Down Under - Men at Work (Vegemite)

By far the most common suggestion was for car songs (Little Honda by the Beach Boys, Prince's Little Red Corvette, Natalie Cole and Pink Cadillac etc) but the undisputed king of the road for me is Y Reg by John Shuttleworth. sadly I ran out of time to play it, but you can watch the video here... 

Centrelinked: Saturday mornings at 10.30am on 98.9 North West FM. Listen on your wireless or online at http://www.northwestfm.org/. If you'd like to play along, follow @mintcustard or use #centrelinked on Tw*tter.