Make Em Laugh

It's Melbourne International Comedy Festival time here in Australia and Centrelinked tried to celebrate by putting together two hours of funny songs. The problem is that one man's funny is another woman's fingers-on-blackboard, with some songs by comedians excruciatingly unfunny and some very serious songs horrifically hilarious. So, armed only with a vague notion of songs that try and give people a chuckle here's what we ended up with this week: 


The Young Ones theme
Eat It - Weird Al Yankovic
Stutter Rap - Morris Minor and the Majors
Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) - Benny Hill
Mahna Mahna - The Muppets

The Court of King Caractacus - Rolf Harris

We're Both in Love with a Sexy Lady - Flight of the Conchords
This Poem Sucks (Harriet) - Mike Myers (from So I Married and Axe Murderer)
Tram Inspector - the Bedroom Philosopher
Cows with Guns - Dana Lyons
24 Hour Garage People - Half Man Half Biscuit
The Ballad of Freda and Barry - Victoria Wood
Don't Put Your Daughter on the Stage Mrs Worthington - Noel Coward
You're Just Too Hip Baby - Dave Graney
Becoming More Like Alfie - Divine Comedy
Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me - Rocky Horror Picture Show Original Cast
Money, Money - Liza Minelli and Joel Grey (from Cabaret)
A Lil' Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place - Dolly Parton (The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas)
Hold My Hand - The Rutles
Eric the Half a Bee - Monty Python
The Intro and the Outro - the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band
Love Life - The Rutles
Bedazzled - Drimble Wedge and the Vegetations (Peter Cook and Dudley Moore)
Montage  - Team America World Police
The Riddler - Mel Torme
The Pub With No Beer - Slim Dusty
Preposterous Tales - I, Ludicrous
Right Said Fred - Bernard Cribbins
I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
Barbie Girl - Aqua
Shaddup Ya Face - Joe Dolce
Ain't No Greens in Harlem - The Vibrations
I Remember Punk Rock - Vic Reeves
The Majesty of Rock - Spinal Tap
Bring Me Sunshine - Morecambe and Wise


Although I had an extra hour, I still ran out of time to play these:


I Wanna be Straight - Ian Dury and the Blockheads
Bad Babysitter - Princess Superstar
Thou Shalt Always Kill - Dan le Sac and Scoobius Pip
Metaphor - Sparks
Ello John, Got a New Motor - Alexei Sayle
Hole in My Shoe - Neil
Austin Ambassador Y Reg - John Shuttleworth (yes, again - sorry Graham)
Jilted John - Jilted John
Panic Plants - The Lovely Eggs
The Queen is Dead - the Smiths
Formed a Band - Art Brut
I Can't Forget - Leonard Cohen
Why is it Always Dairy Lea? - the Shirehorses 


If you'd like to chuck in your tuppenceworth about songs that make you laugh I'd love to hear from you in the comments bit below. 


AFL returns to 98.9 North West FM next weekend so Centrelinked has a new starting time of 11am on Saturdays. Tune in on your Melbourne wireless or via http://www.northwestfm.org/ 

Sunny Side Up

This week on Centrelinked it was about snap and crackle and not just pop as we celebrated all things breakfast. From coffee to croissants, tea to toast, muffins to muesli, we covered it all in song - with a few more interesting alternatives hidden away like a plastic toy at the bottom of a cereal packet.

Special thanks go to Pink Floyd for Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast which provided over an hour's worth of backing music, chuntering and breakfast preparing noises.

What got played
The Breakfast Song - Annie
Judy Sucks a Lemon for Breakfast - Cornershop
Mario's Cafe - Saint Etienne
9-5 - Dolly Parton
She's Losing It - Belle and Sebastian
Beer for Breakfast - The Replacements
Beans for Breakfast - Johnny Cash
Beans, Bacon and Gravy - Cisco Houston
The Spam Song - Monty Python
Piggies - The Beatles
Serial Thrilla - The Prodigy
Superfast Jellyfish - Gorillaz with De La Soul and Gruff Rhys
Cornflake Girl - Tori Amos
Coffee and Toast - James
Coffee in the Pot - Supergrass
Percolator - Stereolab
Sexy Coffee Pot - Tony Avalon and the Belaires
How'd You Like Your Eggs in the Morning - Dean Martin and Helen O'Connell
Watermelons - the Lovely Eggs
Omelette from Outer Space - Adam and the Ants
Blueberries for Breakfast - Mamas and Papas
Martin Doom! It's Seven o'clock - The Boo Radleys
Punky's Dilemma - Simon and Garfunkel
Breakfast Time - Orange Juice
Breakfast in Bed - Dusty Springfield

Leftovers and Suggestions
Breakfast in America - Supertramp
Sex for Breakfast - Christina Aguilera
Black Coffee in Bed - Squeeze
Coffee and TV - Blur
Wake up and Make Love to Me - Ian Dury
Black Pudding Bertha - the Goodies
Wild Mushrooms - Lloyd Cole
Down Under - Men at Work
You Were Meant for Me - Jewel
Cigarettes and Coffee - Rufus Wainwright

Ta to everyone who texted or tweeted or actually listened on your wireless. You make it all worthwhile. Feel free to add to my little list of breakfast songs using the comments below...

Holding Back the Years

Centrelinked jumped in the Delorean this week for a spot of time travel through the ages, stopping only where songsmiths had deemed a year exciting enough to celebrate in song. Taking in everything from the recent past and the distant future these were the songs that got played:

Also Sprach Zarathrustra - Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey (Disco Version)
1969 - The Stooges
Sexcrime (1984) - The Eurythmics
1901 - Phoenix
1976 - RJD2
1977 - The Clash
1981 - Public Image Limited
Holland, 1945 - Neutral Milk Hotel
69 Annee Erotique - Serge Gainsbourg
New York Mining Disaster 1941 - the Bee Gees
You Keep It All In - The Beautiful South
1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
3030 - Deltron 3030
In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus) - Zager and Evans

And other stuff that didn't get played for one reason and another
Miss Freelove '69 - Hoodoo Gurus
1993 - Carter USM
1974 - Ryan Adams
1985 - Manic Street Preachers
1974 - Robin Hitchcock
Disco 2000 - Pulp
Pop Song 89 - REM
Carnival 2000 - Prefab Sprout
1992 - Blur
1963 - New Order
Summer of 75 - Vic Reeves
1966 and all that - Half Man Half Biscuit
It Ain't 1918 - Sparks
December 1963 (Oh What a Night) - Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons

So no Eels songs this week but once again Blur, Pulp, Sparks and Half Man Half Biscuit all offered their Centrelinked services.

Next week - songs about breakfast!

Centrelinked - Saturday mornings from 10.30am on 98.9 North West FM (northwestfm.org)

Feel free to join in using @mintcustard or @northwestfmmelb and #centrelinked

Know Your Product

Advertising. It can be evil, subliminal, insidious, sometimes genius. Advertising companies can spend millions trying to get brand names into our minds and often fail. Thank goodness then for our old friend Rock and Roll and it's uncanny ability to capture zeitgeists and enshrine aspects of popular culture in musical aspic in ways that ad men (and women) can only dream. Here are just a few examples, as celebrated on this week's Centrelinked:  

What Got Played
Know Your Product - The Saints
She Don't Use Jelly - Flaming Lips (Vaseline)
Vaseline - Elastica
Paninaro 95 - Pet Shop Boys (Aramani, Armani, A-A-Armani)
Wearing My Rolex - Wiley
My ADIDAS  - Run DMC
Razzmattazz - Pulp (tights)
Perfume - Sparks (every perfume under the sun)
Hymn to the Cigarettes - Hefner (every brand of cig you can think of)
Valium - Ffa Coffi Pawb (housewife's friend)
Under the Milky Way - The Church
Mars Bar - The Undertones

I desperately wanted to play I've Got a New Hoover by Reeves and Mortimer, which is one of the best starts to any comedy show in history (and certainly the best ever song about vacuum cleaners) but sadly copyright wouldn't allow. Here's some others that I had shortlisted, plus a few suggestions by our lovely listeners:

Advert or Blue Jeans - Blur ("Air Cushion Soles")
Man at C&A - the Specials (menswear)
National Express - the Divine Comedy (coach travel)
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana (deoderant)
Supersonic - Oasis (Alka Seltzer and BMW)
Down Under - Men at Work (Vegemite)

By far the most common suggestion was for car songs (Little Honda by the Beach Boys, Prince's Little Red Corvette, Natalie Cole and Pink Cadillac etc) but the undisputed king of the road for me is Y Reg by John Shuttleworth. sadly I ran out of time to play it, but you can watch the video here... 

Centrelinked: Saturday mornings at 10.30am on 98.9 North West FM. Listen on your wireless or online at http://www.northwestfm.org/. If you'd like to play along, follow @mintcustard or use #centrelinked on Tw*tter.  

Long Tails and Ears for Hats

Centrelinked marked International Women's Day this week with a quick fire 14 songs in 45 minutes of songs by all female bands.

A simple task, I hear you cry... yet when I reached for my CD shelves I found bands with token blokes at every turn. No Slits, Breeders, Veruca Salt, Elastica, Hole, Bikini Kill or Huggy Bear this week then but stay tuned for a Token Bloke special one day soon...


What Got Played
Cherry Bomb - the Runaways
We Got the Beat - the Go-Gos
Woo Hoo - The 5,6,7,8s
Pretend We're Dead - L7
Bruise Violet - Babes in Toyland
Supermodel Superficial - Voodoo Queens
Nowhere to Run - Martha Reeves and the Vandellas
Be My Baby - the Ronettes
Stoned Love - the Supremes
Those Dancing Days - Those Dancing Days
On Parade - Electrelane
Banned from the End of the World - Sleater Kinney
Who Do You Think You Are - Spice Girls
Spice Girls (Who Do You Think You Are) - Period Pains


I really wanted to play some Cibo Matto, Biftek, Cookie Crew and Fuzzbox's camp classic International Rescue too but it wasn't to be.  


Centrelinked on your wireless every Saturday at 10.30am, 98.9 North West FM.

A Fully Trained Actor Reduced to the Status of a Bum

Oh actors, poor loves. They just don’t get enough attention do they? Centrelinked decided to do something about it in Oscar’s week by celebrating anyone who has been name checked in song. There’s more than you think – and that’s just James Dean songs. Names of actors in brackets if not in the title.

What Got Played
• 20th Century Fox Fanfare – London Symphony Orchestra
• Robert de Niro’s Waiting – Bananarama
• Clint Eastwood – Gorillaz
• Jo Jo's Jacket - Steve Malkmus and the Jicks (Yul Brynner)
• Lenny Valentino – the Auteurs (Rudolph Valentino - possibly)
• Scream - The Stuntcar Drivers (Neve Campbell)
• Rattlesnakes – Lloyd Cole and the Commotions (Eve Marie Saint)
• John Wayne is Big Leggy – Hayze Fantayze
• Look at me (I’m Sandra Dee) – Stockard Channing (Sandra Dee, Doris Day, Rock Hudson, Troy Donahue, Elvis)
• The Unknown Stuntman – Lee Majors (too many to mention)
• Purple Underwear (Michael Caine from Get Carter)
• Michael Caine – Madness
• Mohammed Ali and all his friends – the Lovely Eggs (Kirstie Ally)
• Raquel – Neon Neon (Raquel Welch)
• Bruce Lee – Underworld
• Lee Remick – the Go-Betweens
• Fanny Ardant et Moi – Vincent Delerme
• Initials BB – Serge Gainsbourg (Brigitte Bardot)
• Tom Courtney - Yo La Tengo
• Julie Christie - Stephen Duffy
• Grace Kelly Blues – Eels
• Like Dylan in the Movies - Belle and Sebastian (Bob Dylan)
• Marlon JD – Manic Street Preachers (Marlon Brando)
• (He’ll Never Be) An Ol’ Man River – TISM (River Phoenix)

Ran Out of Time (or usurped)
• Tom Baker – Human League (Tom Baker of Dr Who fame)
• Just like Fred Astaire – James
• Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle – Nirvana
• Butterfly McQueen – The Boo Radleys
• I helped Patrick McGoohan Escape - the Times
• I Hate Nerys Hughes – Half Man Half Biscuit
• Kylie's got a Crush on Us – Teenage Fanclub (Kylie Minogue)
• Zombie Zoo – Tom Petty (Boris Karloff)
• Shoot Doris Day – Super Furry Animals
• Michael Douglas - Neon Neon
• The Right Profile – the Clash (Montgomery Clift – post accident)
• Sean Penn Blues – Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
• Clark Gable – The Postal Service
• Celluloid Heroes - The Kinks (Greta Garbo, Rudolph Valentino, Bela Lugosi, Bette Davis, Marilyn Monroe, George Sanders and Mickey Rooney)

Suggestions and Requests
• Bela Lugosi’s Dead – Bauhaus or Nouvelle Vague
• Lee Remick – Hefner
• You Jane – Stephen Cummings (Kris Kristopherson and Genevieve Bujold)
• Frank Sinatra – Cake
• Hackensack – Fountains of Wayne (Christopher Walken)
• Whatever Happened to Corey Haim? – The Thrills
• Winona - Matthew Sweet
• Candle in the Wind and Roy Rogers - Elton John
• Grace Kelly – Mika
• Marlene on the Wall – Suzanne Vega (Marlene Dietrich)
• Halle Berry (She's Fine) - Hurricane Chris
• Bill Murray – Gorillaz
• Crispin Glover - Starling
• Denzel Washington – Charmillionaire
• David Duchovny – Bree
• Kurt Russell – Ultrasound
• Rosanna – Toto (Rosanna Arquette)
• Cary Grant’s Wedding – The Fall
• Shelley Winters - Charles Jenkins and the Zhivagos
• 2 HB – Roxy Music (Humphrey Bogart)
• Keanuville - Rain Perry (Keanu Reeves)
• Madonna, Sean and Me – Sonic Youth (Sean Penn)
• I Want to Do it With Madonna – The Androids
• Bette Davis Eyes – Kim Carnes or Gwyneth Paltrow
• Kung Fu – Ash (Jackie Chan)
• Steve McQueen - Drive by Truckers
• Where Do You Go To MY Lovely - Peter Starstedt (Marlene Dietrich)

James Dean Tribute list
Many thanks to Peta for a glut of James Dean related songs including: James Dean by the Eagles, Movie Star by Harpo, Rock On by David Essex. Jimmy Dean also cops a mention in Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire, Vogue by Madonna, Blue Jeans by Lana del Ray and is the subject of Suede’s Daddy’s Speeding from Dog Man Star… pretty fly for a dead guy.

This week, we’re celebrating International Women’s Day with all-lady bands.

All women mind, no token blokes (I’m looking at you Elastica…)

Centrelinked is on your wireless or streaming live on 98.9 North West FM (http://www.northwestfm.org/) Saturday mornings at 10.30 Melbourne time.

Ape Shit

As the learned know only too well, the nature of Monkey was irrepressible. It's only fair then that this week Centrelinked paid tribute to the great sage, equal of heaven, King Monkey himself (and all his simian minions). What's that? Oh OK, I played songs about chimpanzees for an hour.  

For posterity's sake, these were the kings of the swingers and the jungle VIPs...

What Got Played

Theme from the Monkees - the Monkees

Monkey - George Michael

Dolphins were Monkeys - Ian Brown

Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Monkey - the Beatles

Monkey - Custard

Brass Monkey - the Beastie Boys

Monkey Gone to Heaven - Pixies

Everybody Knows the Monkey - Mighty Mighty

Monkey Man - The Specials

Strictly Rubbadub (Slow Country) - Gorillaz v Space Monkeyz

Ape Man - the Kinks 

Monkey on Your Back - Clinic

Planet of the Apes (The Musical) - Troy McClure and the Simpsons cast

Funky Gibbon - the Goodies

... and this week's threat/treat: Monkey Magic - Godiego, which you can relive in all it's glory here. Alternatively you can take my friend Yakflange's advice and go straight to the end credits of Monkey with the emotional anthem Gandhara. They say it was in India, apparently...  

plus stuff that lovely people suggested

Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys

Shock the Monkey - Peter Gabriel

Me and My Monkey - Robbie Williams

Monkeys - Echo and the Bunnymen

Monkey Business - the Hollies

Monkey Wrench - Foo Fighters

Feel free to add to the list in the comments below. It's always lovely to hear from you. 

Centrelinked: Saturday mornings from 10(ish) on 98.9 North West FM (www.northwestfm.org)